Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Truf

Today I want to talk to you about truth in advertising. I've seen alot of liquidy, condiment type products that advertise that they're sporting a "stay clean" cap. This winds up being bullshit about 85% of the time. In fact, I've never had a "stay clean" cap stay clean at all. Usually they just clog up with nasty dried (insert name of condiment here). And when that little mayo missile comes rocketing out it's generally followed by gush of far too much of whatever you wanted a little of.

There is one cap that I have found fufills the epic prophecy of staying clean. It is the one attached to this sweet ass bottle of Heinz ketchup. These bottles haven't been cleaned or altered at all. I haven't done anything to this bottle since I bought it oh so many months ago. Its damn near empty and perfectly clean. Observe:


Now lets take a look at mr. mustard here:


Not clean, totally unacceptable. This is what I mean folks. I don't ask much of my condiments, but don't lie to me about it's peformance, then use it as a selling point. I am personally crafting an email for Heinz right now telling them that I support them and their packaging. I support their ketchup too, obviously. It's the greatest ketchup on the planet. Hunt's? Seriously? You can't even put that shit in the same category as Heinz, and as far as I know that's their "closest" competitor. I've given other ketchup a fair shake. I've bought generic stuff from multiple grocery stores, Hunts, Hunt's organic, and just about every other kind that has been on sale at one time or another and it all sucks compated to Heinz. This is about more than ketchup people; this a prime example of completely and totally dominating your competitors in your respective arena. This is like bringing a rocket launcher to a pillow fight. A sexy, delicious, ketchupy pillow fight.

5 comments:

Jeff said...

Cabin fever setting in.

Sara B said...

Perhaps my fave post of the year.

pw said...

You didn't get what you wanted for Christmas, did you? Then you sat at your kitchen table, in a funk, trying to eat the hot dogs you prepared for yourself as a comfort food. Trying to put some spin on your life you turned the negative energy to bottle caps. Well done!

Brian said...

That was a great post.

Shelly Fire said...

"...when that little mayo missile comes rocketing out it's generally followed by gush of far too much of whatever you wanted a little of."