Saturday, January 19, 2008

I want to talk to you about Bill Cosby

Rather, I want to talk to you about Bill Cosby's sweaters. A couple days ago at work, this guy (not real sure he's into chicks, if you get what I'm sezzin) wore a hideous sweater. I stopped and stared at this patch work catastrophe a little too long, and he noticed, and engaged the Fox in a conversation. I didn't really want to talk to him, but felt I should explain my staring. I said "That's one hell of a Cosby sweater you're rockin there". He just looked at me, very confused and said "Cosby sweater?" obviously looking for an explanation.

What do I tell the guy? We're not exactly buddies, and for all I know, he really likes this sweater. I mean, I thought we've all seen enough episodes of the Cosby show to understand (at least sub-consciously) the magnitude of the Cos' knitted attire. I kind of froze and said "uh, uh, its, uh, colorful" and walked away quickly. I decided to consult the trusty urban dictionary for a definition for the next time I am in this situation, and this is what I came up with:

1. The sexual act of eating Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Trix, and Boo Berry- or any other 'bright, colorful' breakfast cereals- and then vomitting the tacky, dazzling mixture onto your partners chest. The result should look similar to the incredible sweaters that Bill Cosby wore during his highly successful 1980's sitcom "The Cosby Show".

Nicole was overjoyed to receive "a Cosby Sweater" for her birthday.


2. A: A oversized, hideous looking sweater with ugly patterns and colors, often worn by old men or hipsters with no taste.

B: A sweater a senile colorblind person would pick out.

As referenced in HIGH FIDELITY: "That's a COSBYYYY SWEATAAH, a COSBBY SWEATAAH!" - Jack Black

"Aww look at that sad sweater, did your mom pick that out for you?"

3. The Cosby sweater is in fact a brand name known as a "Coogi."
Ultra expensive and worn by only the most eccentric of poorly dressed, wealthy men.

Look for the reference to the Coogi in the song "Would You Die For Me" by the one and only Notorious B.I.G.

"Got the Coogi (Cosby sweater) with the bubble Fubu"


4. The type of sweater that everybody idolizes you for wearing, often worn in the days of "the cosby show" by suave debonair Bill Cosby. Usually described with such words as Frizzle Frazzle.

"Have you seen Zach's new cosby sweater?! He is so fashionable!"


5. A loud obnoxiously colored article of clothing worn by a man who will preach to you about family values while he fathers children with women who aren't his wife.

I saw this guy wearing a cosby sweater back in 84, he was stealing the hubcaps off of a school bus.



6 comments:

Shelly Fire said...

You should just move to Iran. I heard they don't have Cosby Sweaters over there.

Justin Fox said...

Iran so far away

Eric said...

I sent you an email that your Cosby sweater friend might like.

Squez said...

You see the cosby sweaters quite often in this neckof the woods. Not really sure what to make of it.

jshea said...

I am not a racist. There I said it.
In facto, my uncles used to call me malcolm ( I know what you're thinking and I am referring to X, not Jamal Warner)

But, I think it's funny that under pressure to not offend someone, you still managed to squeeze out a shall we say "off-color" comment, that worked to your advantage, but still managed to be mildly offensive when read into a bit.

I'm so proud of you, Justin.

jshea said...

the above was a joke

just so everyone knows

seriously

god, the silence is deafening!!!!