Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Back again

In honor of my triumphant return from the less civilized side of the Mason-Dixon line, I shall post. The trip was good. My parents new house is really sweet, they have an awsome view of Lake Tellico with the Smokey Mountains in the background. I didn't really get a good idea of what the people were like there since everyone that lives around there is from Wisconsin or Illinois or Ohio. I got an Ipod Nano for christmas, which is super sweet except now I have to use Itunes which I've pretty much hated more than any other music software since I discovered it. I managed to get a direct flight from Minneapolis to Knoxville which was good, but since its direct 1.) the ticket was over $200 more than if you switch planes in Detriot, 2.) they pretty much stick you on the greyhound bus of airplanes. But it was worth it considering you show up at the airport and 2 hours later your in Knoxville instead of screwing around with layovers in Detroit. I decided since I got back at 10:30 this morning that I'd go into work for the rest of the day and work on the huge pile of crap on my desk that I have to do. I hope you all had a good christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate, you see, working in the big city has made me multi-cultural). If anyone feels like paying my car insurance for me, feel free. I posted a christmas classic from the SBS days as well, hope you all like it. Peace.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas...
Go Jesus...

Friday, December 23, 2005

I'm Out...

Well, its 12:39 and I'm leavin work to get on a plane for Tenessee. I'll let you know how it went. My slumlord had the nerve to tell me that they won't reduce my lease and are going to "hold me to it", but they have a lady that may want to rent it, so that would get me out. Never, ever, ever, rent a place in the Minneapolis metro area without seeing it first. Ever. Peace.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Back in Action

Well, since the last update, the audi started running like shit, idled all crazy and was running really rough where it seemed like it was running rich (soot on the exhaust tips). I thought it may be an 02 sensor, or Mass Airflow Sensor going out causing a bad air/fuel mix. So I talked to Carousel Audi, took it in last night and got it back today and its badder than ever. They reset the ECU (engine computer), did a throttle body alignment and updated the engine software. Runs like a dream. I also noticed a while back that there was a crack in the drivers seat, so I called Audi USA and they hemed and hawed, talked to other people who did the same saying that Audi probably wouldn't warranty it because it's not on a seam. Well, I mentioned it to the service advisor and they ordered me a new leather seat cover, under warranty. God bless Germans and their warranties.

My neighbors are still loud as shit, and now they've got some fat guy sleeping on their couch who doesn't really help the situation. He's been there for damn near a week, so in a day or two I'm going to find out what the deal is, cause he better not be a permenant fixture. I wrote my slumlord a note saying that I want the lease dropped to 6 months, gave them a line about how it will be easier for them to re rent the place during the summer and all that. They decided not to respond so I was gearing up to just leave and let them come after me if they wanted. I talked to a bunch of lawyers and had a real nasty letter all ready to go, in the mail tomorrow. Well, the slumlord's husband stopped by to talk about a computer or somthing, like I'm seriously going to help him out with it..sure buddy. So I cornered him before he got a chance to slither away and confronted him about the 6 month deal, and he seemed a little more open to it than i thought. So, we'll see. I'm leavin anyway but it'd be nice to do it on fairly good terms with no legal bullshit. I'm also revoking all those comments I made about my neighbors being good kids too, they're shitty and I'm going to trounce that ex-goth bible banger and drop kick his chihuahua down senic Walnut street next time I catch him outside. It might be worth a night in the clam to see his mascara run. I'm going to get my stereo set up soon, put the speakers directly against my bedroom wall, get reeeeeeal drunk, and at like 3:00 am one night I'm going to play "Proud to be and American" with the volume on 11. And I'm going to scream along like Ted Nugent. Actually I'll probably wait until they have their baby so it will wake up and scream along with me. Then I'll leave so they have to deal with it and I don't. Then, I'll come home like 2 hours later and do it again.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Chuck Norris

I found this the other day and thought it was pretty much the best thing ever.....

Ode to Chuck Norris....

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays 'Oregon Trail', his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. (Beat that, Lance Armstrong!)

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker : Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the animal, breaking its neck, just to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The term "carnivore" was invented after Chuck Norris was spotted at a carnival eating babies.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris kills Asians in his spare time because he hates it when people squint at him.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I'm Legal!

Just to let you know, I have finally ended my saga with the Minnesota Department of Vehilce Services. As of 8:35 this morning, I'm a licensed driver. It feels pretty good, but now I won't have a photo ID so drinking may be tough. It also hadn't occured to me but I've got to fly to Tenessee in a couple weeks, so that may be interesting w/o a current photo ID. I'm preparing myself for a couple cavity searches. The other day when I started the A4 it started idleing rough and threw up a CEL (check engine light). It eventually smoothed out but the light stayed on which was weird. So I called Carousel Audi and one guy was cool about it, he told me he has a Passat with the same 1.8T engine and his did the same thing the other day, and it was a random cylinder misfire, smoothed out and after like 6 drive cycles (on, off, on) it cleared the codes itself. So mine wasn't clearing the codes so I was starting to freak a little (especially I'm going to do the MTM Stage 1 ECU Chip soon). So I ran it hard last night out to Lakeville to see Marc, and ran some Techron through the gas. Woke up this morning, it burped once and boom, the codes cleared and it was money. The day just keeps getting better. So I think I'm going to call Anderson and order my MTM Mod and check out the Milltek Exhaust option as well. Peace.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Back to work

Well, I got back and work was cool about everything, but the fact remained that I am a salaried employee who has to work the hours to get the paycheck, or use vacation time. So I decided to split the difference and made up an extra 8 hours over 3 days (on top of 8 hour days) and used 1 day of vacation. It was kind of a vacation anyway. While I was stuck in Fargo, I got to hang out with Ed Wynne, the brain behind the Ozric Tentacles (http://www.ozrics.com) from England. Their one of the bigger prog-rock bands in Europe, next to King Crimson and some others. Anyhow, our connection to them is really long and won't translate that well to text but the short is; Our Canadian buddy Matt has been nuts over Ozric since the mid 90's and ran into a chick at a bar in Fargo wearing one of their shirts, so on and so forth, she winds up somehow dating Ed Wynne, or was dating him or somthing. Regardless he's from southwest England and she's from Fargo, so they must have met somehow. So anyway, last year he gets the call to come play drums with them on their European tour. And Ed's girlfriend from Fargo, Brandy, is now thier manager and plays synth with them. So Ed and Brandy were in town (or the country rather since they've lived in England together for a few years now) for thanksgiving and came over and partied with us since we were all snowed in. Interesting people, Ed was fascinated by doppler radar maps, totally amazed. I also found out that one of the best Audi tuners in the midwest is located in Chanhassen. They're called Anderson Motorsport, and they're super cool people, so I see a MTM chip, Milltek exhaust and H&R sport springs in my near future. If you like Audi's or Porche's and your in the area you should stop in to see them (and the 500 horsepower bi-turbo S4 they built). AND to top if off, they're shop is on QUATTRO Drive. I added a link to their shop on the page as well.